Thursday, January 30, 2014

That Moment It Dawns On You...

... that of all the characters on any TV show of all time, you are not Batman, Sherlock Holmes or Jack Bauer.

You're not Joey from friends, not even Joey Donovan or Joey Russo (both characters played by Joey Lawrence, I guess he can't act a first name), and you sure as fuck aren't Uncle Joey. At least you're not Joey Buttafuoco.

But, no, you're George Constanza, the biggest selfish loser prick of the 1990s.

And it's not just your shitty luck, your growing a belly and/or receding hairline, but more related to the fact that even though you've seen every Seinfeld episode dozens of times, you start seeing George act in his relationships or actions in regards to other people and tell yourself ''I would also have reacted that way'' or, worse, ''that was the only reasonable way to react''.

Which means you're fucked. And you will never get fucked again.

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

This Week's Top 10s

Top 10 Songs:

10. HIGH ROAD, Cults (2013)
9. CUPS (WHEN I'M GONE), Anna Kendrick (2013)
8. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
7. FOR IT ALL NOW, Outernational (2013)
6. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER, Sam Roberts Band (2013)
5. MAGDALENA, Pixies (2013)
4. SACRILEGE, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2013)
3. RHYME OR REASON, Eminem (2013)
2. DO WHAT U WANT, Lady Gaga (feat. Christina Aguilera) (2014)
1. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)

 Top 10 SNL Weekend Update Anchors:

10. COLIN QUINN (1998-2000)
9. AMY POEHLER (2004-2008)
8. SETH MEYERS (2006-2013)
7. JIMMY FALLON (2000-2004)
6. JANE CURTIN (1976-1980)
5. NORM MACDONALD (1994-1997)
4. DENNIS MILLER (1985-1991)
3. TINA FEY (2000-2006)
2. KEVIN NEALON (1991-1994)
1. CHEVY CHASE (1975-1976)

Honestly, I probably feel Kevin Nealon deserved top spot in my heart of hearts, but Chevy Chase invented the whole thing and was just as good, it's just that the art of ''fake newsing'' had been perfected by the time Nealon came, and he was flawless. Also, I wanted to put Bill Murray in at #10, but since he only did it for parts of one season, it didn't seem far to Colin Quinn who, while he didn't live up to the previous three anchors in part because even his regular speaking voice sounds like an illiterate person reading out loud, was the only person worth watching on Saturday Night Live for two and a half seasons (apart from the musical guests).

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

R.I.P. Pete Seeger

Legendary folk singer, songwriter and de facto activist Pete Seeger died yesterday, passing peacefully in his sleep at a hospital, surrounded by his family.


Though he started earlier than the wave of 1960s folkies that he influenced, he became the colleague of such legends as Joan Baez and Bob Dylan, and his impact can be felt all the way to Bruce Springsteen in the 1980s, Tom Morello (Rage Against The Machine and The Nightwatchman) and Pearl Jam, because his message was the same no matter the specific battle: social justice and equality.

His grandson says he was outside chopping wood 10 days before he passed - sometimes it takes hold of you really quickly. He was 94.

Monday, January 27, 2014

1997 In Film

Until I looked back at my notes (and these lists) about a month ago, I was under the impression that 1997 was a bad year for great movies, but a fine one for better-than-average films, I guess because that piece of shit Titanic won all the Oscars and Boogie Nights got all the magazine covers. It was the year in which so many films of the turn-your-brain-off-and-enjoy, rainy Sunday variety were released (think Men In Black and Jackie Brown, which I have grown to appreciate more since)...

But it turns out there actually were real gems, including three of my all time favourites (Chasing Amy, The Ice Storm, and Lost Highway).

Should you wish to look back at some of my previous lists, look no further: 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1998, 2001, 2003, and 2005.


Top 25 Films:

25. BOOGIE NIGHTS, Paul Thomas Anderson (USA)
24. PRIVATE PARTS, Betty Thomas (USA)
23. EVE'S BAYOU, Kasi Lemmons (USA)
22. TASTE OF CHERRY, Abbas Kiarostami (Iran)
21. MONONOKE HIME (PRINCESS MONONOKE), Hayao Miyazaki (Japan)
20. THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK, Steven Spielberg (USA)
19. THE GAME, David Fincher (USA)
18. THE BUTCHER BOY, Neil Jordan (Ireland/USA)
17. THE BOXER, Jim Sheridan (Ireland)
16. MEIN HERZ - NIEMANDEM! (MY HEART IS MINE ALONE), Helma Sanders-Brahms (Germany)
15. L.A. CONFIDENTIAL, Curtis Hanson (USA)
14. DONNIE BRASCO, Mike Newell (USA)
13. THE SWEET HEREAFTER, Atom Egoyan (Canada)
12. KARAKTER, Mike Van Diem (The Netherlands/Belgique)
11. AS GOOD AS IT GETS, James L. Brooks (USA)
10. COP LAND, James Mangold (USA)
9. ABSOLUTE POWER, Clint Eastwood (USA)
8. JACKIE BROWN, Quentin Tarantino (USA)
7. WAG THE DOG, Barry Levinson (USA)
6. CUBE, Vincenzo Vitali (Canada)
5. THE FIFTH ELEMENT, Luc Besson (France)
4. DECONSTRUCTING HARRY, Woody Allen (USA)
3. LOST HIGHWAY, David Lynch (USA/France)
2. THE ICE STORM, Ang Lee (USA)
1. CHASING AMY, Kevin Smith (USA)

Top 25 Directors:

25. GREGG ARAKI, Nowhere
24. MIKE LEIGH, Career Girls
23. STEVEN SPIELBERG, The Lost World: Jurassic Park
22. PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON, Boogie Nights
21. JOHN WOO, Face/Off
20. JEAN-JACQUES ANNAUD, Seven Years In Tibet
19. HELMA SANDERS-BRAHMS, Mei Herz - Niemandem! (My Heart Is Mine Alone)
18. CURTIS HANSON, L.A. Confidential
17. MIKE VAN DIEM, Karakter
16. FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA, The Rainmaker
15. CLINT EASTWOOD, Absolute Power
14. DAVID FINCHER, The Game
13. BARRY LEVINSON, Wag The Dog
12. ROBERT ZEMECKIS, Contact
11. NEIL JORDAN, The Butcher Boy
10. OLIVER STONE, U Turn
9. MARTIN SCORSESE, Kundun
8. QUENTIN TARANTINO, Jackie Brown
7. VINCENZO NATALI, Cube
6. WOODY ALLEN, Deconstructing Harry
5. ABBAS KIAROSTAMI, Taste Of Cherry
4. ATOM EGOYAN, The Sweet Hereafter
3. ANG LEE, The Ice Storm
2. LUC BESSON, The Fifth Element
1. DAVID LYNCH, Lost Highway

Top 25 Lead Actors:

25. DENNIS FARINA, That Old Feeling
24. WOODY ALLEN, Deconstructing Harry
23. TUPAC SHAKUR, Gridlock'd
22. ROBERT FORSTER, Jackie Brown
21. ROBERT DUVALL, The Apostle
20. MORGAN FREEMAN, Amistad
19. MICHAEL DOUGLAS, The Game
18. JEREMY PIVEN, Just Write
17. EAMONN OWENS, The Butcher Boy
16. BILL PULLMAN, Lost Highway
15. VING RHAMES, Rosewood
14. SEAN PENN, She's So Lovely
13. PETER FONDA, Ulee's Gold
12. LARENZ TATE, Love Jones
11. KEVIN KLINE, The Ice Storm
10. HOMAYON ERSHADI, Taste Of Cherry
9. SAMUEL L. JACKSON, Eve's Bayou
8. KEVIN SPACEY, Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil
7. JARED LETO, Prefontaine
6. IAN HOLM, The Sweet Hereafter
5. GUY PEARCE, L.A. Confidential
4. AL PACINO, Donnie Brasco
3. JACK NICHOLSON, As Good As It Gets
2. DUSTIN HOFFMAN, Wag The Dog
1. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, The Boxer

Top 30 Lead Actresses:

30. TIE. KATRIN CARTLIDGE, Career Girls
          CATHERINE O'HARA, Waiting For Guffman
29. KATE NECKINSALE, Shooting Fish
28. BAI LING, Red Corner
27. SHERILYN FENN, Just Write
26. MILLA JOVOVICH, The Fifth Element
25. RACHEL TRUE, Nowhere
24. TONI COLLETTE, Clockwatchers
23. NIA LONG, Love Jones
22. JOEY LAUREN ADAMS, Chasing Amy
21. MARY MCCORMACK, Private Parts
20. KATE WINSLET, Titanic
19. LIV TYLER, Inventing The Abbotts
18. JULIA ROBERTS, My Best Friend's Wedding
17. MISCHA BARTON, Lawn Dogs
16. LENA STOLZE, Mei Herz - Niemandem! (My Heart Is Mine Alone)
15. PATRICIA ARQUETTE, Lost Highway
14. ALISON FOLLAND, All Over Me
13. JUDI DENCH, Mrs. Brown
12. FARRAH FAWCETT, The Apostle
11. HELENA BONHAM CARTER, The Wings Of The Dove
10. JENNIFER LOPEZ, Selena
9. ASHLEY JUDD, Kiss The Girls
8. PATRICIA RICHARDSON, Ulee's Gold
7. JODIE FOSTER, Contact
6. PAM GRIER, Jackie Brown
5. DOMINIQUE SWAIN, Lolita
4. SARAH POLLEY, The Sweet Hereafter
3. JOAN ALLEN, The Ice Storm
2. EMILY WATSON, The Boxer
1. HELEN HUNT, As Good As It Gets

Top 25 Supporting Actors:

25 - TIE. SAM ROCKWELL, Lawn Dogs
             ERIC STOLTZ, Highball
24. WOODY HARRELSON, Welcome To Sarajevo
23. GARY OLDMAN, Air Force One
22. GARY SINISE, Albino Alligator
21. TIM ROTH, Gridlock'd
20. JÜRGEN PROCHNOW, Air Force One
19. STUART TOWNSEND, Shooting Fish
18. GARY OLDMAN, The Fifth Element
17. STANLEY TUCCI, Deconstructing Harry
16. DENIS LEARY, Wag The Dog
15. ROBIN WILLIAMS, Good Will Hunting
14. PETE POSTLETHWAITE, The Lost World: Jurassic Park
13. CHRISTOPHER WALKEN, Suicide Kings
12. DANNY DEVITO, The Rainmaker
11. RUSSELL CROWE, L.A. Confidential
10. JOHN MALKOVICH, Con Air
9. AL PACINO, The Devil's Advocate
8. DON CHEADLE, Rosewood
7. BILLY CONNOLLY, Mrs. Brown
6. JASON LEE, Chasing Amy
5. JOHNNY DEPP, Donnie Brasco
4. ROBERT DE NIRO, Wag The Dog
3. SEAN PENN, The Game
2. SAMUEL L. JACKSON, Jackie Brown
1. BILLY BOB THORNTON, The Apostle

Top 25 Supporting Actresses:

25. CAMERON DIAZ, My Best Friend's Wedding
24. PARKER POSEY, Clockwatchers
23. KAREN BLACK, Dogtown
22. AISLING O'SULLIVAN, The Butcher Boy
21. LAURA LINNEY, Absolute Power
20. MIRANDA RICHARDSON, The Apostle
19. KATHLEEN ROBERTSON, Nowhere
18. PENELOPE ANN MILLER, Little City
17. JULIANNE MOORE, Boogie Nights
16. JENNIFER CONNELLY, Inventing The Abbotts
15. EMILY LLOYD, Welcome To Sarajevo
14. ELISE NEAL, Rosewood
13. DEMI MOORE, Deconstructing Harry
12. SINÉAD O'CONNOR, The Butcher Boy
11. ANNE HECHE, Wag The Dog
10. JENNIFER TILLY, Liar Liar
9. ALISON ELLIOTT, The Wings Of The Dove
8. JOAN CUSACK, In & Out
7. DEBORAH KARA UNGER, The Game
6. DEBBI MORGAN, Eve's Bayou
5. KATHLEEN QUINLAN, Breakdown
4. TARA SUBKOFF, All Over Me
3. KIM BASINGER, L.A. Confidential
2. KATHLEEN QUINLAN, Lawn Dogs
1. SIGOURNEY WEAVER, The Ice Storm

Top 25 Screenplays:

25. VONDIE CURTIS-HALL, Gridlock'd
24. ED SOLOMON, Men In Black
23. CURTIS HANSON & BRIAN HELGELAND, L.A. Confidential
22. MELISSA MATHESON, Kundun
21. JOHN HODGE, A Life Less Ordinary
20. DAVE FOLEY & DAVID ANTHONY HIGGINS & JAY KOGEN, The Wrong Guy
19. JAMES MANGOLD, Cop Land
18. PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON, Boogie Nights
17. PAUL ATTANASIO, Donnie Brasco
16. GREGG ARAKI, Nowhere
15. LUC BESSON & ROBERT MARK KAMEN, The Fifth Element
14. BEN AFFLECK & MATT DAMON, Good Will Hunting
13. TERRY GEORGE & JIM SHERIDAN, The Boxer
12. ATOM EGOYAN, The Sweet Hereafter
11. QUENTIN TARANTINO, Jackie Brown
10. MIKE LEIGH, Career Girls
9. NAOMI WALLACE, Lawn Dogs
8. PATRICK MCCABE & NEIL JORDAN, The Butcher Boy
7. ANDRÉ BIJELIC & GRAEME MANSON & VINCENZO NATALI, Cube
6. JILL SPRECHER & KAREN SPRECHER, Clockwatchers
5. HILARY HENKIN & DAVID MAMET, Wag The Dog
4. WOODY ALLEN, Deconstructing Harry
3. JAMES SCHAMUS, The Ice Storm
2. KEVIN SMITH, Chasing Amy
1. DAVID LYNCH & BARRY GIFFORD, Lost Highway

Top 25 Cinematographers:

25. MICHAEL BALLHAUS, Air Force One
24. ROLAND DRESSEL, Mein Herz - Niemandem! (My Heart Is Mine Alone)
23. DON BURGESS, Contact
22. JACK N. GREEN, Absolute Power
21. EDUARDO SERRA, The Wings Of the Dove
20. JOSEPH MONTGOMERY, Hugo Pool
19. GUILLERMO NAVARRO, Spawn
18. PAUL SAROSSY, The Sweet Hereafter
17. BILL POPE, Gridlock'd
16. BRIAN TUFANO, A Life Less Ordinary
15. DANTE SPINOTTI, L.A. Confidential
14. ROBERT ELSWIT, Boogie Nights
13. DONALD PETERMAN, Men In Black
12. JANUSZ KAMINSKI, Amistad
11. ADRIAN BIDDLE, The Butcher Boy
10. AMY VINCENT, Eve's Bayou
9. GUILLERMO NAVARRO, Jackie Brown
8. DEREK ROGERS, Cube
7. FREDERICK ELMES, The Ice Storm
6. JANUSZ KAMINSKI, The Lost World: Jurassic Park
5. ROBERT FRAISSE, Seven Years In Tibet
4. ANDRZEJ BARTKOWIAK, The Devil's Advocate
3. ROGER DEAKINS, Kundun
2. PETER DEMING, Lost Highway
1. THIERRY ARBOGAST, The Fifth Element

Top 15 Villains:

15. JIM CARREY, Liar Liar
14. BENICIO DEL TORO, Excess Baggage
13. JACK NICHOLSON, As Good As It Gets
12. TIMOTHY HUTTON, Playing God
11. JON FAVREAU, Dogtown
10. SINÉAD O'CONNOR, The Butcher Boy
9. ALEKSANDR BALUEV, The Peacemaker
8. BILLY CRUDUP, Inventing The Abbotts
7. PAUL GIAMATTI, Private Parts
6. ROBERT BLAKE, Lost Highway
5. DEBRA JO RUPP, Clockwatchers
4. JOHN MALKOVICH, Con Air
3. AL PACINO, The Devil's Advocate
2. GARY OLDMAN, The Fifth Element
1. GARY OLDMAN, Air Force One

Erratum

I noticed this over a week ago, but just got around to it now: as I was making my Best-Of-2013 Music List in December, I mistakenly included THEE SILVER MT. ZION MEMORIAL ORCHESTRA's Fuck Off Get Free We Pour Light On Everything as #4 on my top-20 Albums list...

The thing is, though I've been listening to it since October or November (because I know people around the band), it only came out this week.

In an odd turn of events, I'd forgotten about one record as well: Childish Gambino's Because The Internet.

Therefore, my top-5, records-wise should look like this:

5. CHILDISH GAMBINO, Because The Internet
4. YEAH YEAH YEAHS, Mosquito
3. THE BESNARD LAKES, Until In Excess Imperceptible UFO
2. NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS, Push The Sky Away
1. ARCADE FIRE, Reflektor

Thank you.

Video Of The Week: Pixies

Let's get this one out of the way right off the bat: The Pixies' recent songs sound nothing like they did in the late 1980s - and that's fine. There is no need for albums consisting of 8 versions of Wave Of Mutilation and six Where Is My Mind? rehashes.

The thing that matters is if the songs are any good, and my first three listens of Magdalena all point towards 'yes', and you can judge by yourselves with this video by Judy Jacob (though I feel the song would have deserved a better video, not that it's bad, just that it doesn't go anywhere):



Sure, the band's had a hectic history, from splitting up before they would have made it big when grunge hit, to the way Frank Black announced to the band it was over (via fax machine!), to reuniting for the money, to Kim Deal departing in 2012, to her being replaced by Kim Shattuck, to Shattuck's own firing at the end of a show.

These days, the bass duties are handled by Paz Lenchantin (A Perfect Circle, Zwan), whom I really like. I wonder how she'll get the news when the time comes...

Most bands have a revolving door of drummers, not bass players. At least Pixies don't have the Van Halen problem of having to change the face and voice of the band every 5 years...

Saturday, January 25, 2014

Top 10s This Week

Top 10 Songs:

10. HIGH ROAD, Cults (2013)
9. ORDINARY LOVE, U2 (2013)
8. THE LORD IS OUT OF CONTROL, Mogwai (2013)
7. FOR IT ALL NOW, Outernational (2013)
6. MALIBU, Hole (1998)
5. BERZERK, Eminem (2013)
4. SACRILEGE, Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2013)
3. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
2. DO WHAT U WANT, Lady Gaga (feat. Christina Aguilera) (2014)
1. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)

 Top 10 Hole Songs:

10. RETARD GIRL, single (1990), then on The First Session EP (1997)
9. TEENAGE WHORE, Pretty On The Inside (1991)
8. CELEBRITY SKIN Celebrity Skin (1998)
7. DOLL PARTS, Live Through This (1994)
6. MALIBU, Celebrity Skin (1998)
5. AWFUL, Celebrity Skin (1998)
4. VIOLET, Live Through This (1994)
3. PALE BLUE EYES (The Velvet Underground cover), Ask For It EP (1995)
2. DROWN SODA, Teenage Whore single (1991)
1. GOLD DUST WOMAN (Fleetwood Mac cover), The Crow: City Of Angels soundtrack (1996)

Friday, January 24, 2014

Video Of The Week: Hole

I've been on a Hole tear lately, and decided to share with the rest of the class...

The band was formed in Los Angeles in 1989 by Courtney Love and guitarist Eric Erlandson, after Love had spent the better part of the decade parlaying her way into and soon getting thrown out of a multitude of bands (Faith No More, Pagan Babies, Babes In Toyland), either because of her personality or the fact that she didn't really know how to play an instrument at the time.

A sweet talker, she convinced Sonic Youth frontwoman Kim Gordon to produce their first independent record, Pretty On The Inside, dated The Smashing Pumpkins' Billy Corgan, married Nirvana's Kurt Cobain and got signed to Geffen Records, which released their major-label debut Live Through This in 1994.

By the time touring for the record came about, Love had lost her husband, and the band had lost their original drummer as well as four bassists, including the most recent, Kristen Pfaff, to a drug overdose. The line-up with Melissa Auf Der Maur on bass and Patty Schemel on drums (14994-1998) is widely considered the quintessential Hole, though, perhaps because they appeared in the most videos and played more shows as a unit, but I like to think it held the best combination of balls and brawn, grit and softness, fury and beauty. (And I think Auf Der Maur has a lot to do with it).

Rumours have always floated around Hole that their best songs had been ghost-written by either Cobain or Corgan, and for their third album, Celebrity Skin, Corgan's actually credited as a co-songwriter on five separate songs, so at least the ''ghost'' part was eliminated. One of those songs is this one, Malibu, directed by Paul Hunter:

Thursday, January 23, 2014

If You Can't Steal Their Hearts...

Do you remember this guy, who had a thing for stealing women's underwear as they were out to dry?


Well, if you forget his added bonus of taking pictures of himself wearing them and depositing them on the porches of his (now-doubly) victims, he had nothing on this guy, who pleaded guilty to stealing 850 pairs of undies at the Victoria's Secret store:


Daniel Espinoa, 18, and a 17-year-old accomplice were arrested after their third theft, with a total retail value of over $15,000 (but possibly manufacturing value under a grand, because low-paid workers in third-world countries, yada-yada-yada).

The poor sap, now an adult, is looking at, uh, hard time while his accomplice will likely, uh, get off easily.

Death Watch

What I want right now is for someone dead to give me their watch, provided it's a Tikker.

What's a Tikker? Well, it's a watch that, after answering screening questions on the manufacturer's website, estimates your date and time of death according to statistics, your health, and your age and lifestyle, ''so you can take full advantage of the rest of your life'':



Wait... ''suck the marrow from it''? As if it didn't sound like they were preying on the weak enough already by selling folks a dollar-store watch for $60?

Also, how come no one answered ''overdose on heroin after killing someone I truly hate''? And how come they show that one guy visiting what seems to be the Grand Canyon, taking pictures with his cell phone? Who is he saving those memories for if he's about to die, and why can't those people just Google the Grand Cayon and see better pictures of it?

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

2003 In Film

Again, 2003 was a year in which I disagreed with most awards ceremonies, most of which decided in 2001 that they would not give the Lord Of The Rings trilogy any awards until its final chapter, then gave The Return Of The King everything it was nominated for despite its visual effects already being a tad outdated and there having been better direction, writing, cinematography and acting from all sides of the specter that year. Which all could have been easily predicted, and contributed to the Oscars' never-ending pattern of compensating for past works instead of current-day achievements.

I did, however, agree with most critics on how awful the bad movies were, from The Haunted Mansion to Gigli (though I'd rate that one 4/10, not 1/10 as many have, and it probably would narrowly escape my Worst 10 Films Of The Decade list) to Foolproof to The League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen to Just Married to My Boss' Daughter to Hollywood Homicide...

It was also such a strong year in female performance that I wanted to acknowledge that by expanding the number of finalists in those categories without doing so for their male counterparts.

Feel free to look up any of my previous best-of film lists: 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 1998, 2001, and 2005.


Top 25 Films:

25 - TIE. NORMAL, Jane Anderson (USA)
            ELF, Jon Favreau (USA)
24. ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO, Robert Rodriguez (Mexico)
23. OLDBOY, Park Chan-wook (South Korea)
22. X2: X-MEN UNITED, Bryan Singer (USA/Canada)
21. CITY OF GOD, Fernando Leirelles & Katia Lund (Brazil)
20. GOOD BYE, LENIN!, Wolfgang Becker (Germany)
19. 21 GRAMS, Alejandro Gonzalez Innaritu (USA)
18. LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING, Peter Jackson (New Zealand/UK/USA)
17. THE RETURN, Andrey Zvyaginstev (Russia)
16. ZATOICHI, Takeshi Kitano (Japan)
15. WILLARD, Glen Morgan (USA/Canada)
14. KILL BILL, VOL. 1, Quentin Tarantino (USA/Japan)
13. CRIME SPREE, Brad Mirman (Canada/UK/France)
12. COWARDS BEND THE KNEE, Guy Maddin (Canada)
11. AMERICAN SPLENDOR, Shari Springer Berman & Robert Pulcini (USA)
10. A GOOD LAWYER'S WIFE, Im Sang-soo (South Korea)
9. THIRTEEN, Catherine Hardwicke (USA)
8. HOUSE OF SAND AND FOG, Vadim Perelman (USA)
7. BAD SANTA, Terry Zwigoff (USA)
6. OLD SCHOOL, Todd Phillips (USA)
5. LES TRIPLETTES DE BELLEVILLE, Sylvain Chomet (France/Belgique/Québec/UK)
4. MYSTIC RIVER, Clint Eastwood (USA)
3. THE CORPORATION, Mark Achbar & Jennifer Abbott (Canada)
2. LES INVASIONS BARBARES (THE BARBARIAN INVASIONS), Denys Arcand (Québec)
1. BIG FISH, Tim Burton (USA)

Top 25 Directors:

25. FERNANDO PEREZ, Suite Habana
24. BRYAN SINGER, X2: X-Men United
23. FRANÇOIS OZON, Swimming Pool
22. JANE ANDERSON, Normal
21. ANDRÉ TÉCHINÉ, Les Égarés (Strayed)
20. PARK CHAN-WOOK, Oldboy
19. LARS VON TRIER, Dogville
18. NIKI CARO, Whale Rider
17. ANNE FONTAINE, Nathalie
16. FERNANDO LEIRELLES & KATIA LUND, City Of God
15. JACQUES RIVETTE, Histoire  Marie et Julien
14. ROBERT LEPAGE, La Face Cachée De La Lune (Dark Side Of The Moon)
13. ALEJANDRO GONZALEZ INARRITU, 21 Grams
12. ANDREY ZVYAGINTSEV, The Return
11. GUY MADDIN, The Saddest Music In The World
10. WOLFGANG BECKER, Good Bye, Lenin!
9. TAKESHI KITANO, Zatoichi
8. SYLVAIN CHOMET, Les Triplettes De Belleville
7. DENYS ARCAND, Les Invasions Barbares (The Barbarian Invasions)
6. PETER JACKSON, Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
5. CLINT EASTWOOD, Mystic River
4. TERRY ZWIGOFF, Bad Santa
3. QUENTIN TARANTINO, Kill Bill, Vol. 1
2. GUY MADDIN, Cowards Bend The Knee
1. TIM BURTON, Big Fish

Top 25 Lead Actors:

25. MARIO VAN PEEBLES, Baadasssss!
24. MACAULAY CULKIN, Party Monster
23. ANTONIO BANDERAS, And Starring Pancho Villa As Himself
22. JOHNNY DEPP, Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of the Black Pearl
21. KOJI YAKUSHO, Doppelganger
20. CRISPIN GLOVER, Willard
19. GUILLAUME CANET, Jeux D'Enfants (Love Me If You Dare)
18. TADANOBU ASANO, Last Life In The Universe
17. GASPARD ULLIEL, Les Égarés (Strayed)
16. MUZAFFER OZDEMIR, Uzak
15. BEN KIGSLEY, House Of Sand And Fog
14. SEAN PENN, 21 Grams
13. PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, Owning Malony
12. WILLIAM H. MACY, The Cooler
11. CHIWETEL EJOFOR, Dirty Pretty Things
10. BILL MURRAY, Lost In Translation
9. CHOI MIN-SIK, Oldboy
8. EWAN MCGREGOR, Young Adam
7. EWAN MCGREGOR, Big Fish
6. NICOLAS CAGE, Matchstick Men
5. SEAN PENN, Mystic River
4. RÉMY GIRARD, Les Invasions Barbares (The Barbarian Invasions)
3. BILLY BOB THORNTON, Bad Santa
2. TOM WILKINSON, Normal
1. PAUL GIAMATTI, American Splendor

Top 40 Lead Actresses:

40. HELEN MIRREN, Calendar Girls
39. DIANE KEATON, Something's Gotta Give
38. DIANE LANE, Under The Tuscan Sun
37. NICOLE KIDMAN, Dogville
36. CHARLOTTE RAMPLING, Swimming Pool
35. CATE BLANCHETT, Veronica Guerin
34. EVA GREEN, The Dreamers
33. KEISHA CASTLE-HUGHES, Whale Rider
32. ANA GEISLEROVÀ, Zelary
31. KATRIN SAß, Good Bye, Lenin!
30. JULIETTE MARQUIS, This Girl's Life
29. ZOOEY DESCHANEL, All The Real Girls
28. HELEN BUDAY, Alexandra's Project
27. KATJA SCHUURMAN, Interview
26. SIGRID ALEGRIA, Sexo Con Amor (Sex With Love)
25. HOPE DAVIS, American Splendor
24. KELLY MCDONALD, Intermission
23. AUDREY TAUTOU, Dirty Pretty Things
22. GINA GERSHON, Prey For Rock & Roll
21. SAMANTHA MORTON, In America
20. SCARLETT JOHANSSON, Girl With A Pearl Earring
19. MARION COTILLARD, Jeux D'Enfants (Love Me If You Dare)
18. RACHEL WEISZ, Confidence
17. SCARLETT JOHANSSON, Lost In Translation
16. STEFANIA MONTORSI, Dillo Con Parole Mie (Ginger And Cinnamon)
15. ISABELLE ADJANI, Bon Voyage
14. NAOMI WATTS, 21 Grams
13. SARAH POLLEY, My Life Without Me
12. ELSE ZYLBERSTEIN, Ce Jour-Là (That Day)
11. CHARLIZE THERON, Monster
10. ANNE REID, The Mother
9. CHLOË SEVIGNY, The Brown Bunny
8. JENNIFER CONNELLY, House Of Sand And Fog
7. EMMANUELLE BÉART, Les Égarés (Strayed)
6. EMMANUELLE BÉART, Nathalie
5. MOON SO-RI, A Good Lawyer's Wife
4. JESSICA LANGE, Normal
3. EVAN RACHEL WOOD, Thirteen
2. EMMANUELLE BÉART, Histoire De Marie et Julien
1. SYLVIE TESTUD, Stupeur Et Tremblements (Fear And Trembling)

Top 25 Supporting Actors:

25. KEN WATANABE, The Last Samurai
24. STEVE BUSCEMI, Coffee And Cigarettes
23. CHRIS COOPER, Seabiscuit
22. RON LIVINGSTON, The Cooler
21. SAM ELLIOTT, Hulk
20. RON ELDARD, House Of Sand And Fog
19. PAUL BETTANY, Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World
18. STELLAN SKARSGARD, Dogville
17. BILLY BOB THORNTON, Intolerable Cruelty
16. WILL FERRELL, Old School
15. TIM ROBBINS, Mystic River
14. LOUIS GARREL, The Dreamers
13. TONY COX, Bad Santa
12. COLM FEORE, And Starring Pancho Villa As Himself
11. BENICIO DEL TORO, 21 Grams
10. PETER SARSGAARD, Shattered Glass
9. GARY SINISE, The Human Stain
8. BILL NIGHY, Love Actually
7. MEHMET EMIN TOPAT, Uzak
6. RENAUD SÉCHAN, Crime Spree
5. JOHNNY DEPP, Once Upon A Time In Mexico
4. DJIMON HOUNSOU, In America
3. PAUL GIAMATTI, Confidence
2. EDWARD NORTON, The Italian Job
1. ALBERT FINNEY, Big Fish

Top 30 Supporting Actresses:

30. MARIA BELLO, The Cooler
29. VICKY HAUGHTON, Whale Rider
28. ELISHA CUTHBERT, Old School
27. LAURA ELENA HARRING, Willard
26. JUDY PARFITT, Girl With A Pearl Earring
25. MARIA SIMON, Good Bye, Lenin!
24. FENELLA WOOLGAR, Bright Young Things
23. CHULPAN KHAMATOVA, Good Bye, Lenin!
22. SHOREH AGHDASHLOO, House Of Sand And Fog
21. LAURA LINNEY, Mystic River
20. CHRISTINA RICCI, Monster
19. LUDIVINE SAGNIER, Swimming Pool
18. LAUREN BACALL, Dogville
17. MARTINA MELINO, Dillo Con Parole Mie (Ginger And Cinnamon)
16. ANNE BROCHET, Histoire De Marie Et Julien
15. ALISON LOHMAN, Matchstick Men
14. FANNY ARDANT, Nathalie
13. EMILY MORTIMER, Young Adam
12. JESSICA LANGE, Big Fish
11. CHLOË SEVIGNY, Party Monster
10. JOY BRYANT, Baadasssss!
9. RACHEL WEISZ, Runaway Jury
8. DEIRDRE O'KANE, Intermission
7. AMY STEWART, Cowards Bend The Knee
6. YOON YEO-JEONG, A Good Lawyer's Wife
5. MARCIA GAY HARDEN, Mystic River
4. HOLLY HUNTER, Thirteen
3. LAUREN GRAHAM, Bad Santa
2. PATRICIA CLARKSON, The Station Agent
1. PATRICIA CLARKSON, Pieces Of April

Top 25 Screenplays:

25. NIKI CARO, Whale Rider
24. FRANK HANNAH & WAYNE KRAMER, The Cooler
23. QUENTIN TARANTINO, Kill Bill, Vol. 1
22. HANIF KUREICHI, The Mother
21. THOMAS MCCARTHY, The Station Agent
20. GILLES TAURAND & ANDRÉ TÉCHINÉ, Les Égarés (Strayed)
19. SYLVAIN CHOMET, Les Triplettes De Belleville
18. WOLFGANG BECKER & BERND LICHTENBERG, Good Bye, Lenin!
17. BRAD MIRMAN, Crime Spree
16. DAVID BERENBAUM, Elf
15. MARK O'ROWE, Intermission
14. STEVEN KNIGHT, Dirty Pretty Things
13. ROBERT LEPAGE, La Face Cachée De La Lune (Dark Side Of The Moon)
12. LARS VON TRIER, Dogville
11. SHAWN LAWRENCE OTTO & VADIM PERELMAN, House Of Sand And Fog
10. BRAULIO MANTOVANI, City Of God
9. BRIAN HELGELAND, Mystic River
8. GUILLERMO ARRIAGA, 21 Grams
7. JANE ANDERSON, Normal
6. ROLF DE HEER, Alexandra's Project
5. CATHERINE HARDWICKE & NIKKI REED, Thirteen
4. JOHN AUGUST, Big Fish
3. ALAIN CORNEAU, Stupeur Et Tremblements (Fear And Trembling)
2. GLENN FICARA & JOHN REQUA, Bad Santa
1. DENYS ARCAND, Les Invasions Barbares (The Barbarian Invasions)

Top 25 Cinematographers:

25. EDUARDO SERRA, Girl With A Pearl Earring
24. MANDY WALKER, Shattered Glass
23. MARTIN KUKULA, Good Bye, Lenin!
22. PETER JAMES, And Starring Pancho Villa As Himself
21. WOO-HYUNG KIM, A Good Lawyer's Wife
20. ROBERT MCLACHLAN, Willard
19. AGNÈS GODARD, Les Égarés (Strayed)
18. TONY PIERCE-ROBERTS, Underworld
17. ROGER DEAKINS, Intolerable Cruelty
16. TOM STERN, Mystic River
15. RONALD PLANTE, La Face Cachée De La Lune (Dark Side Of The Moon)
14. TERRY STACEY, American Splendor
13. DOUGLAS KOCH, La Grande Séduction (Seducing Dr. Lewis)
12. RUSSELL BOYD, Master And Commander: The Far Side Of The World
11. AARON MORTON, Nemesis Game
10. YORICK LE SAUX, Swimming Pool
9. ANTHONY DOD MANTLE, Dogville
8. ANDREW LESNIE, Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King
7. CÉSAR CHARLONE, City Of God
6. KATSUMI YANAGISHIMA, Zatoichi
5. ROGER DEAKINS, House Of Sand And Fog
4. GUY MADDIN, Cowards Bend The Knee
3. ROBERT RODRIGUEZ, Once Upon A Time In Mexico
2. PHILIPPE ROUSSELOT, Big Fish
1. ROBERT RICHARDSON, Kill Bill, Vol. 1

Top 10 Villains:

10. BRIAN COX, X2: X-Men United
9. HARVEY KEITEL, Crime Spree
8. ROBERT ENGLUND & KEN KIRZINGER, Freddy Vs. Jason
7. CATHERINE ZETA-JONES, Intolerable Cruelty
6. CHARLIZE THERON, Monster
5. HELEN BUDAY, Alexandra's Project
4. ALEX FROST, Elephant
3. BILLY BOB THORNTON, Bad Santa
2. IAIN GLEN, Song For A Raggy Boy
1. CORPORATIONS, The Corporation

Twerking Up A Storm... Trooper

Here's a funny video that's been lighting the internet on fire in the past couple of days - and here's hoping George Lucas doesn't sue them for copyright infringement... oh wait, he can't anymore.

In any event, these kids obviously learned to dance while watching Boy Bands (Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync come to mind), the arms-stretched-out-at-the-chorus-to-enthrall-young-girls stance being a dead giveaway... but funny's funny, and if you can get over the generic hip hop track and make it until Darth Vader arrives, you'll shine a little more light on the dark side.


Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Rob Ford Resurfaces

Ok, what to start with? The fact that if this was anyone else in North America, most people would deem it extremely racist? Or the fact that Rob Ford is at it again?


Hmmm.. seems he likes swearing in Jamaican patois...



''Bumbaclot, man'', indeed.

And here is audio of him saying this ''couldn't have happened yesterday'' because while he was, indeed, drunk yesterday, that was on his own time.



But who cares what day it was shot? Wasn't he stripped of most of his power precisely because he's an out of control buffoon? And didn't he commit to stop drinking and doing drugs in order to regain some power and go for reelection?

Maybe Rob has a King complex and thinks the current-day political trick of saying exactly the opposite of what you mean gets you forgiven for everything even in the real world... but it can't. Can it?

Sunday, January 19, 2014

R.I.P. Cassandra Lynn Hensley

(reposted from my collectibles blog)

R.I.P. Cassandra Lynn Hensley, who died two nights ago following an evening where cocaine and champagne were consumed after a time of not feeling well. She was 34 and leaves behind a daughter.

I didn't know the February 2006 Playboy Playmate Of The Month, but I do know models who did, and this has come as a shock to two of them in particular.

Her Twitter account still updates with her automatic daily horoscope, and the one published just hours after her death turns out to be eerie in retrospect:

Unspoken obligations prevent you from doing what you wish today. No matter what you do now, you might not feel completely fulfilled. Working harder isn't the answer, but neither is escape.
As a tribute, here is a card I got in a box of Benchwarmer's 2006 Holiday cards, an autographed insert (#15 of 16):

Saturday, January 18, 2014

This Week's Top 10s

Top 10 Songs:

10. ORDINARY LOVE, U2 (2013)
9. HIGH ROAD, Cults (2013)
8. CAN'T HELP MYSELF, Dead Messenger (2013)
7. THE HAND THAT FEEDS, Nine Inch Nails (2005)
6. DOWNTOWN TRAIN, Tom Waits (1985)
5. BERZERK, Eminem (2013)
4. FOR IT ALL NOW, Outernational (2013)
3. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
2. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)
1. DO WHAT U WANT, Lady Gaga (feat. Christina Aguilera) (2014)

Top 10 Sushis (Futomakis):

10. New York (tobiko, masago, salmon, tamago, spicy sauce, avocado, lettuce, cucumber)
9. Spicy Salmon (salmon, spicy sauce, cucumber, tempura)
8. King's (tuna, salmon, tempura, masago, carrots, chef's tuna sauce)
7. Imperial (shrimp, carrots, chicken (cooked), lettuce, teriyaki sauce)
6. Cape Cod (shrimp, tobiko, tempura, avocado, cucumber, spicy sauce)
5. Una Kyu (grilled eel, cucumber, tempura, teriyaki sauce)
4. Spider (spider crab, tempura, masago, avocado)
3. Rainbow (tuna, smoked salmon, avocado, tempura, shrimp)
2. Boston (shrimp, pollock, lettuce, mayo, masago)
1. Kamikaze (tempura, tuna, avocado)

Thursday, January 16, 2014

Video Of The Week: L.A. Guns

I touched upon this song last week, briefly, and figured it would be the best time to share the video with everybody. I'm talking of course about L.A. Guns' The Ballad Of Jayne, written in tribute to Jayne Mansfield, who died on the very same day that then-singer Phil Lewis was born.

But the story with L.A. Guns was never cut nor clear. Lewis was the band's third lead singer,though he is part of what many call its ''classic'' line-up, i.e. the 1988-1991 era. Of course, the most famous singer to have played with band namesake Tracii Guns is Axl Rose (Guns N' Roses, get it?), but Lewis remains the voice of L.A. Guns for most fans.

Which is why he's currently fronting the band, despite having left it in the mid-1990s - there are no original members in that version of the band, which has been touring and recording since 2002.

However... Tracii Guns also has a band called L.A. Guns touring and recording, with former members Paul Black and Nickey Alexander in tow, making it a ''more legitimate'' version of the band, despite not having the voice people expect to hear when listening to the band.

And how did this two-band-sharing-one-name-and-repertoire thing get to keep existing, you might ask? Simply put, Lewis re-joined a version of the band in the early-00s, an incarnation that Guns eventually left (to join Nikki Sixx's Brides Of Destruction). So that band had the right to keep using the name, since it was the same entity, kind of like a sports franchise roster changes a lot but remains the same team.

But Guns' The Tracii Guns Band was fledgling in the mid-00s, and he technically owns the band's name, so he decided to change his band's name to L.A. Guns because it had the m ost ''original members'' in it.

They fought it off in court and it was decided both entities would be allowed to continue mock-rocking and cock-blocking one another, as long as there was a distinction to represent which version for the band fans are paying for.

Case in point: this flyer from last July:


For the time being, Guns has disbanded his band (as of late 2013), which since that decision, Lewis' band has gone through three lead guitarists. It's a safe bet that one of Lewis or Guns - probably both - will make some sort of arrival and/or departure from an incarnation of the band in the near future, though.

Still, despite its rocky history, the band has some pretty good songs, most of which are on their second (Cocked and Loaded) and third (Hollywood Vampires) albums (out of 13), such as this classic:


My Favourite Type Of Comedy

My favourite type of comedy is of the self-defecating kind, so this was right up my alley: hilarious Amazon reviews of sugar-free gummy bears...


 
 












Wednesday, January 15, 2014

1998 In Film

As I'm about to take two hours out of my life to watch Sharknado, I figured I'd knock another ''Best Of'' list off my bucket list with one of my favourite movie years of all time, 1998.

Don't let the ''official'' award ceremonies fool you, 1998 was amazing. To hell with Shakespeare In Love, Elizabeth, Saving Private Ryan (well, almost) and Pleasantville; it was a year of unbelievable performances, incredible storytelling and stuff that was out of the ordinary. On the other hand, it was also the year of god-awful Bruce Willis movies (The Siege and Mercury Rising, both on the heels of the end-of-1997 flop The Jackal), a dozen dog movies, and the heyday of direct-to-video films - not all of which were terrible, believe it or not.

Again, I have so far published my tops of 1992, 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2001, and 2005. Feel free to look them up.

Top 25 Films:

25. LA VITA È BELLA, Roberto Benigni (Italia)
24. BUFFALO 66, Vincent Gallo (USA)
23. A SIMPLE PLAN, Sam Raimi (France/USA)
22. A BUG'S LIFE, John Lasseter (USA)
21. CENTRAL STATION, Walter Salles (Brazil/France)
20. FOLLOWING, Christopher Nolan (UK)
19. AMERICAN HISTORY X, Tony Kaye (USA)
18. LAST NIGHT, Don McKellar (Canada)
17. HIGH ART, Lisa Chodolenko (Canada/USA)
16. THE QUIET FAMILY, Kim Ji-woon (South Korea)
15. THE TRUMAN SHOW, Peter Weir (USA)
14. APT PUPIL, Bryan Singer (USA)
13. LE DÎNER DE CONS, Francis Veber (France)
12. BULWORTH, Warren Beatty (USA)
11. GODS AND MONSTERS, Bill Condon (UK/USA)
10. RUN LOLA RUN, Tom Tykwer (Germany)
9. PI, Darren Aronosky (USA)
8. LE VIOLON ROUGE (THE RED VIOLIN), François Girard (Québec/Italia/UK/Austria)
7. THE THIN RED LINE, Terrence Malick (USA/Australia)
6. UNAGI (THE EEL), Shohei Imamura (Japan)
5. LE NAIN ROUGE (THE RED DWARF), Yvan Le Moine (Belgique)
4. THE BIG LEBOWSKI, Joel Coen & Ethan Coen (USA/UK)
3. YOUR FRIENDS & NEIGHBORS, Neil LaBute (USA)
2. HAPPINESS, Todd Solondz (USA)
1. FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, Terry Gilliam (USA)

Top 25 Directors:

25. VINCENT GALLO, Buffalo 66
24. CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, Following
23. WARREN BEATTY, Bulworth
22. SAM RAIMI, A Simple Plan
21. ROBERTO BENIGNI, La Vita È Bella
20. ROBERT MORIN, Quiconque Meurt, Meurt À Douleur
19. PEDRO ALMODOVAR, Carne Trémula
18. EMIR KUSTARICA, Black Cat, White Cat
17. CLAUDE LELOUCH, Hasards Ou Coïncidences
16. BILL CONDON, Gods And Monsters
15. FRANÇOIS GIRARD, Le Violon Rouge (The Red Violin)
14. NEIL LABUTE, Your Friends & Neighbors
13. GUY RITCHIE, Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels
12. SHOHEI IMAMURA, Unagi (The Eel)
11. BRYAN SINGER, Apt Pupil
10. TOM TYKWER, Run Lola Run
9. STEVEN SPIELBERG, Saving Private Ryan
8. GASPAR NOÉ, Seul Contre Tous (I Stand Alone)
7. LARS VON TRIER, Idioterne (The Idiots)
6. JOEL COEN & ETHAN COEN, The Big Lebowski
5. DARREN ARONOFSKY, Pi
4. YVAN LE MOINE, Le Nain Rouge (The Red Dwarf)
3. TODD SOLONDZ, Happiness
2. TERRENCE MALICK, The Thin Red Line
1. TERRY GILLIAM, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas

Top 25 Lead Actors:

25. JOHN TRAVOLTA, Primary Colors
24. DENZEL WASHINGTON, He Got Game
23. ROBERTO BENIGNI, La Vita È Bella
22. JAVIER BARDEM, Carne Trémula
21. PARK IN-HWAN, The Quiet Family
20. DON MCKELLAR, Last Night
19. GEORGE CLOONEY, Out Of Sight
18. SAMUEL L. JACKSON, The Negotiator
17. WARREN BEATTY, Bulworth
16. LARENZ TATE, Why Do Fools Fall In Love
15. JEAN-YVES THUAL, Le Nain Rouge (The Red Dwarf)
14. IAN MCKELLEN, Gods And Monsters
13. NICK NOLTE, Affliction
12. DANNY GLOVER, Beloved
11. KOJI YAKUSHO, Unagi (The Eel)
10. VINCENT GALLO, Buffalo 66
9. JONATHAN RHYS MYERS, Velvet Goldmine
8. JOHNNY DEPP, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
7. JACQUES VILLERET, Le Dîner De Cons
6. JEFF BRIDGES, The Big Lebowski
5. IAN MCKELLEN, Apt Pupil
4. AARON ECKHART, Your Friends & Neighbors
3. JIM CARREY, The Truman Show
2. DYLAN BAKER, Happiness
1. EDWARD NORTON, American History X

Top 25 Lead Actresses:

25. MIRA SORVINO, Lulu On The Bridge
24. ROXANA ZAL, Broken Vessels
23. ROBIN TUNNEY, Niagara, Niagara
22. ALFRE WOODARD, Down In the Delta
21. INGRID RUBIO, El Faro (The Lighthouse)
20. ALESSANDRA MARTINES, Hasards Ou Coïncidences
19. ELIZABETH GONDEK, Dead Leaves
18. MISA SHIMIZU, Unagi (The Eel)
17. KATE WINSLET, Hideous Kinky
16. CHLOË SEVIGNY, The Last Days Of Disco
15. FANNY ARDANT, La Cena
14. ALEX KINGSTON, Croupier
13. BODIL JORGENSEN, Idioterne (The Idiots)
12. CATE BLANCHETT, Elizabeth
11. CHRISTINA RICCI, Buffalo 66
10. FERNANDA MONTENEGRO, Central Station
9. RADHA MITCHELL, High Art
8. FRANKA POTENTE, Run Lola Run
7. MONIC HENDRICKX, The Polish Bride
6. CATHERINE DENEUVE, Place Vendôme
5. ANITA EKBERG, Le Nain Rouge (The Red Dwarf)
4. SANDRA OH, Last Night
3. EMILY WATSON, Hilary And Jackie
2. JANE ADAMS, Happiness
1. CATHERINE KEENER, Your Friends & Neighbors

Top 25 Supporting Actors:

25. OLIVER PLATT, Bulworth
24. DON CHEADLE, Out Of Sight
23. ROBERT DUVALL, A Civil Action
22. BRENDAN FRASER, Gods And Monsters
21. CHARLES S. DUTTON, Blind Faith
20. STEVE BUSCEMI, Armageddon
19. ED HARRIS, The Truman Show
18. WILLIAM H. MACY, Pleasantville
17. BILLY BOB THORNTON, A Simple Plan
16. BILL MURRAY, Rushmore
15. DONALD SUTHERLAND, Without Limits
14. BRAD RENFRO, Apt Pupil
13. CALLUM KEITH RENNIE, Last Night
12. JAMES COBURN, Affliction
11. BILLY CONNOLLY, Still Crazy
10. KEVIN SPACEY, The Negotiator
9. ETHAN SUPLEE, American History X
8. JOHN TURTURRO, The Big Lebowski
7. THIERRY LHERMITTE, Le Dîner De Cons
6. BENICIO DEL TORO, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
5. JASON PATRIC, Your Friends & Neighbors
4. JON LOVITZ, Happiness
3. JOHN GOODMAN, The Big Lebowski
2. BEN STILLER, Your Friends & Neighbors
1. PHILLIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN, Happiness

Top 25 Supporting Actresses:

25. LIV TYLER, Armageddon
24. ALEXANDRA VANDERNOOT, Le Dîner De Cons
23. JENNIFER CONNELLY, Dark City
22. ANNABELLA SCIORRA, What Dreams May Come
21. CARLA GUGINO, Judas Kiss
20. MAURA TIERNEY, Primary Colors
19. STEFANIA SANDRELLI, La Cena
18. GINA MCKEE, Croupier
17. JEMMA REDGRAVE, The Acid House
16. CATHERINE KEENER, Out Of Sight
15. JUDITH GODRÈCHE, The Man In The Iron Mask
14. JEMIMA ROOPER, Owd Bob
13. AMY MADIGAN, A Bright Shining Lie
12. ANGELA MOLINA, Carne Trémula
11. EMMANUELLE SEIGNER, Place Vendôme
10. AMY BRENNEMAN, Your Friends & Neighbors
9. MARIA DOYLE KENNEDY, The General
8. NASTASSJA KINSKI, Your Friends & Neighbors
7. KATHY BATES, Primary Colors
6. KATE BECKINSALE, The Last Days Of Disco
5. ALLY SHEEDY, High Art
4. JULIANNE MOORE, The Big Lebowski
3. LYNN REDGRAVE, Gods And Monsters
2. RACHEL GRIFFITHS, Hilary And Jackie
1. LARA FLYNN BOYLE, Happiness

Top 25 Screenplays:

25. ROBERTO BENIGNI & VINCENZO CERAMI, La Vita È Bella
24. FRANK MILITARY, Blind Faith
23. TAMARA JENKINS, Slums Of Beverly Hills
22. SCOTT FRANK, Out Of Sight
21. PETER BERG, Very Bad Things
20. DON MCKELLAR, Last Night
19. DEE SNIDER, Strangeland
18. THOMAS VINTERBERG & MOGENS RUKOV, Festen (The Celebration)
17. LISA CHODOLENKO, High Art
16. DON MCKELLAR & FRANÇOIS GIRARD, Le Violon Rouge (The Red Violin)
15. DARREN ARONOFSKY, Pi
14. TERRENCE MALICK, The Thin Red Line
13. ANDREW NICOL, The Truman Show
12. CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, Following
11. KIM JI-WOON, The Quiet Family
10. BILL CONDON, Gods And Monsters
9. BRANDON BOYCE, Apt Pupil
8. TERRY GILLIAM & TONY GRISONI, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
7. CONSTANTIN WERNER, Dead Leaves
6. WARREN BEATTY & JEREMY PIKSER, Bulworth
5. YVAN LE MOINE, Le Nain Rouge (The Red Dwarf)
4. NEIL LABUTE, Your Friends & Neighbors
3. FRANCIS VEBER, Le Dîner De Cons
2. JOEL COEN & ETHAN COEN, The Big Lebowski
1. TODD SOLONDZ, Happiness

Top 25 Cinematographers:

25. JOHN SCHWARTZMAN, Armageddon
24. CHRISTOPHER DOYLE, Psycho
23. PETER SUSCHITZKY, The Man In The Iron Mask
22. VITTORIO STORARO, Bulworth
21. ROBBIE KONDOR, Happiness
20. NANCY SCHREIBER, Your Friends & Neighbors
19. JUN'CHIRO HAYASHI, Ringu (The Ring)
18. CHRISTOPHER NOLAN, Following
17. PETER LYONS COLLISTER, The Replacement Killers
16. NEWTON THOMAS SIGEL, Apt Pupil
15. PAUL SAROSSY, Affliction
14. JANUSZ KAMINSKI, Saving Private Ryan
13. TAMI REIKE, High Art
12. ALFONSO BEATO, Carne Trémula
11. DANNY ELSEN, Le Nain Rouge (The Red Dwarf)
10. DARIUSZ WOLSKI, Dark City
9. MATTHEW LIBATIQUE, Pi
8. ALAR KIVILO, A Simple Plan
7. MARYSE ALBERTI, Velvet Goldmine
6. JOHN TOLL, The Thin Red Line
5. ALAIN DOSTIE, Le Violon Rouge (The Red Violin)
4. ROGER DEAKINS, The Big Lebowski
3. TIM MAURICE-JONES, Lock Stock And Two Smoking Barrels
2. NICOLA PECORINI, Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas
1. EDUARDO SERRA, What Dreams May Come

Top 10 Villains:

10. VINCENT GALLO, Buffalo 66
9. PETER STORMARE, The Big Lebowski
8. LEONARDO DICAPRIO, The Man In The Iron Mask
7. ED HARRIS, The Truman Show
6. RICHARD O'BRIEN, Dark City
5. DEE SNIDER, Strangeland
4. CHRISTIAN SLATER, Very Bad Things
3. IAN MCKELLEN, Apt Pupil
2. JASON PATRIC, Your Friends & Neighbors
1. DYLAN BAKER, Happiness

Friday, January 10, 2014

Meow Meow

My friend The Big E used to do a lot of cocaine. Then he stopped because of his girlfriend. Then he started again once in a while with his best friend. Then his dealer turned him onto Meow Meow, a.k.a. mephedrone, for ''all the effects of coke on your brain, but none of the physical signs (constant rubbing of nose or teeth, for example) nor hangovers''...

He thought he was incognito, but anyone who knows anything about any substance consumption could easily tell he wasn't just drunk when he was on that shit. Except his girlfriend.

Because its recreational usage is still relatively recent, no one knows for sure what long-term effects Meow Meow has on the body, but some - like John Mann, the in-house chemist at Queen's University Belfast - have suggested that because of its similarities to cathenone, it could very well render impotent.

Looks like one 19-year-old British guy didn't want to wait to find out, as he cut off his own penis after stabbing his mother:
After his mother called emergency services to the house in Haywards Heath, West Sussex, he was discovered hanging out of a bedroom window, blood gushing from his groin. Both were rushed to hospital with injuries described as life threatening after the December 29 attack, according to the Mirror. (...) When the police arrived they found him hanging from a window and then discovered he had cut off his penis.
 Denis Leary used to joke about cocaine being a drug that makes your dick soft... looks like its replacement one-upped it on that level too...

Hey kids: drugs are bad... mmmmkay?

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

This Week's Top 10s

Top 10 Songs:

10. RED EYES, The War On Drugs (2013)
9. MONKEY BUSINESS, Skid Row (1991)
8. FOR IT ALL NOW, Outernational (2013)
7. AFTERLIFE, Arcade Fire (2013)
6. RHYME OR REASON, Eminem (2013)
5. ORDINARY LOVE, U2 (2013)
4. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)
3. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
2. HIGH ROAD, Cults (2013)
1. DO WHAT U WANT, Lady Gaga (feat. Christina Aguilera) (2014)

Top 10 Cock Rock/Hair Metal Bands:

10. BON JOVI
9. EUROPE
8. TWISTED SISTER
7. YNGWIE MALMSTEEN
6. SLAUGHTER
5. SCORPIONS
4. KISS
3. L.A. GUNS
2. MÖTLEY CRÜE
1. SKID ROW

No, I didn't include Guns N' Roses, because despite the fact that they sprayed their hair in their very first video (Welcome To The Jungle) and hail from Los Angeles, they actually had balls, as opposed to those who had to wear spandex to show them. Bon Jovi only barely made the list because New Jersey is so good it should have been made by another band.

L.A. Guns gets top-3 consideration because The Ballad Of Jane is the quintessential ballad, and Kiss My Love Goodbye is the era's typical rocker - feats Skid Row also attain with I Remember You and Youth Gone Wild, with the addition of the quintessential power-ballad, 18 And Life. But Skid Row takes top spot because their sophomore effort, Slave To The Grind, improved their output quality by at least 200%. Mötley Crüe takes the silver medal home for sheer consistency, the quality of their Dr. Feelgood record, and for being able to milk decent hit songs from even average records.

Van Halen and Poison are where they should be - at home, crying.

Video Of The Week: Arcade Fire

There were a few videos for this song, Afterlife, including a lyrics video comprised of clips of old Haitian films, so I wasn't really sure if there would eventually be a ''proper'' one with the band appearing in it or not.

Seeing as this version was directed by Emily Kai Bock (a respected indie-rock video director), however, I'll say ''no'' and post this one instead. It plays like a short film involving a Spanish-American family's trials and tribulations as a single dad tries to raise his two sons - a teenager and a kid - properly.

The video has its critics; I, for one, love the black-and-white sequences (some of which are just beautiful, others serve the story as flashbacks) but could do without the Smashing Pumpkins/1979-like ''old picture depictions of life'' parts, though the soryline would obviously be incomplete without them.

It's a strong song, though, not as top-notch as Reflektor, but quality nonetheless.


Canadian Rednecks Exist

Before reaching the end, you'd think this picture would be from Ohio, Montana or Idaho...


What if the soldiers I want to thank speak French first and foremost?

Also, isn't the point of having a rear window to be able to see what's happening behind you? How do you do that when it's tainted black and full of text? Do Manitobans have x-ray vision?

Saturday, January 4, 2014

Top 10s This Week

Top 10 Songs:

10. BLOOD ON THE CURTAINS, Melted Faces (2013)
9. ORDINARY LOVE, U2 (2013)
8. DO WHAT U WANT, Lady Gaga (feat. Christina Aguilera) (2014)
7. NO NEW TALE TO TELL, Love And Rockets (1987)
6. THE LORD IS OUT OF CONTROL, Mogwai (2013)
5. BIG SHOT, The Pack A.D. (2013)
4. RED EYES, The War On Drugs (2013)
3. HIGH ROAD, Cults (2013)
2. HIGGS BOSON BLUES, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds (2013)
1. FOR IT ALL NOW, Outernational (2013)

Top 10 Bauhaus (Band) Singles:

10. SANITY ASSASSIN, single (1983), then on 1979-83 (1985)
9. KICK IN THE EYE, Mask (1981)
8. TELEGRAM SAM, single (1980)
7. DARK ENTRIES, single (1980)
6. LAGARTIJA NICK, single (and Burning From The Inside reissues) (1983)
5. SPIRIT, The Sky's Gone Out (1982)
4. THE PASSION OF LOVERS, Mask (1981)
3. SHE'S IN PARTIES, Burning From The Inside (1983)
2. TERROR COUPLE KILLS COLONEL, single (1980)
1. BELA LUGOSI'S DEAD, single (1979)

Video Of The Week: U2

What, you thought I'd go with the obvious New Year's Day?

No, instead I set my sights on one of U2's numerous recent movie-ballads, Ordinary Love, from the soundtrack to Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom. Apart from one cameo from Bono, the band is absent from it; instead, we have the lyrics appearing on-screen in cursive, on walls or boards.

Simple, and effective, just like this b-side-sounding little ditty (in the vein of The Sweetest Thing crossed with The Hands That Built America); it's U2 attempting to sound like U2, in a good way (as opposed to their last record, No Line On The Horizon, where they could bore a zombie back to death.


Friday, January 3, 2014

1993 In Film

With 2013 coming to a close, many critics have released their 'Best of 2013' film lists, but I've been unable to do so this year because I have seen very few films in theaters this past year, in part due to today's prohibitive cost of movie-going, and partly because of lack of time. Also, in the past 5 years, I've enjoyed TV shows a lot more than actual films...

That being said, I plan on making up for lost time in the next month and a half or so, so I can eventually make up a comprehensive list.

And so, I once again look at my past notes to pass judgement on a previous year, 1993.

Already featured: 1992, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2001, 2005.

Top 25 Films:

25. GROUNDHOG DAY, Harold Ramis (USA)
24. THIRTY-TWO SHORT FILMS ABOUT GLENN GOULD, François Girard (Canada/France)
23. NAKED, Mike Leigh (UK)
22. THIS BOY'S LIFE, Michael Caton-Jones (USA)
21. MALICE, Harold Becker (USA/Canada)
20. GERMINAL, Claude Berri (France)
19. ARIZONA DREAM, Emir Kustarica (USA)
18. SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION, Fred Schepisi (USA)
17. A BRONX TALE, Robert De Niro (USA)
16. TROIS COULEURS: BLEU, Krysztof Kieslowski (France/Poland/Switzerland)
15. WOMAN SESAME OIL MAKER, Xie Fei (China)
14. FARAWAY, SO CLOSE, Win Wenders (Germany)
13. A PERFECT WORLD, Clint Eastwood (USA)
12. FALLING DOWN, Joel Schumacher (USA/France/UK)
11. IN THE LINE OF FIRE, Wolfgang Petersen (USA)
10. DAZED AND CONFUSED, Richard Linklater (USA)
9. THE AGE OF INNOCENCE, Martin Scorsese (USA)
8. THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS, Henry Selick (USA)
7. FAREWELL MY CONCUBINE, Chen Kaige (China)
6. SHORT CUTS, Robert Altman (USA)
5. TRUE ROMANCE, Tony Scott (USA)
4. CARLITO'S WAY, Brian De Palma (USA)
3. STALINGRAD, Joseph Vilsmaier (Germany)
2. SCHINDLER'S LIST, Steven Spielberg (USA)
1. MENACE II SOCIETY, The Hughes Brothers (USA)

Top 25 Directors:

25. JOHN MCTIERNAN, Last Action Hero
24. PIERRE FALARDEAU, Le Temps Des Bouffons
23. JANE CAMPION, The Piano
22. JONATHAN DEMME, Philadelphia
21. MIKE LEIGH, Naked
20. GUILLERMO DEL TORO, Cronos
19. CLAUDE BERRI, Germinal
18. HENRY SELICK, The Nightmare Before Christmas
17. RICHARD LINKLATER, Dazed And Confused
16. JOEL SCHUMACHER, Falling Down
15. CLINT EASTWOOD, A Perfect World
14. EMIR KUSTARICA, Arizona Dream
13. XIE FEI, Woman Sesame Oil Maker
12. ROBERT DE NIRO, A Bronx Tale
11. KRYSZTOF KIESLOWSKI, Trois Couleurs: Bleu
10. WIM WENDERS, Faraway, So Close
9. CHEN KAIGE, Farewell, My Concubine
8. TONY SCOTT, True Romance
7. WOLFGANG PETERSON, In The Line Of Fire
6. ROBERT ALTMAN, Short Cuts
5. MARTIN SCORSESE, The Age Of Innocence
4. BRIAN DE PALMA, Carlito's Way
3. JOSEPH VILSMAIER, Stalingrad
2. THE HUGHES BROTHERS, Menace II Society
1. STEVEN SPIELBERG, Schindler's List

Top 25 Lead Actors:

25. SEAN ASTIN, Rudy
24. LIAM NEESON, Schindler's List
23. DAVID THEWLIS, Naked
22. LESLIE CHEUNG, Farewell, My Concubine
21. STEVE BUSCEMI, Ed And His Dead Mother
20. NICOLAS CAGE, Red Rock West
19. LEONARDO DICAPRIO, This Boy's Life
18. GARY OLDMAN, Romeo Is Bleeding
17. JEFF BRIDGES, American Heart
16. COLM FEORE, Thirty-Two Short Films About Glenn Gould
15. LAURENCE FISHBURNE, What's Love Got To Do With It
14. GÉRARD DEPARDIEU, Germinal
13. THOMAS KRETSCHMANN, Stalingrad
12. JEFF BRIDGES, Fearless
11. DANNY GLOVER, Bopha!
10. VINCENT D'ONOFRIO, Household Saints
9. TYRIN TURNER, Menace II Society
8. TOM HANKS, Philadelphia
7. DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, The Age Of Innocence
6. ANTHONY HOPKINS, The Remains Of The Day
5. CLINT EASTWOOD, In The Line Of Fire
4. ROBERT DE NIRO, A Bronx Tale
3. AL PACINO, Carlito's Way
2. MICHAEL DOUGLAS, Falling Down
1. WILL SMITH, Six Degrees Of Separation

Top 25 Lead Actresses:

25. MEG RYAN, Sleepless In Seattle
24. MARISA TOMEI, Untamed Heart
23. ELLEN BARKIN, This Boy's Life
22. ASHLEY JUDD, Ruby In Paradise
21. JULIET STEVENSON, The Secret Rapture
20. CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG, The Cement Garden
19. LINDA FIORENTINO, Acting On Impulse
18. EMMA THOMPSON, The Remains Of The Day
17. LORI LOUGHLIN, Empty Cradle
16. SHERILYN FENN, Boxing Helena
15. SIQIN GAOWA, Woman Sesame Oil Maker
14. PHOEBE CATES, Bodies, Rest & Motion
13. GONG LI, Farewell, My Concubine
12. VANESSA REDGRAVE, Un Muro De Silencio
11. SOPHIE MARCEAU, Fanfan
10. JULIANNE MOORE, Short Cuts
9. JULIETTE BINOCHE, Trois Couleurs: Bleu
8. MARY STUART MASTERSON, Benny & Joon
7. CATHERINE DENEUVE, Ma Saison Préférée
6. REBECCA DE MORNAY, Guilty As Sin
5. PATRICIA ARQUETTE, True Romance
4. JODIE FOSTER, Sommersby
3. HOLLY HUNTER, The Piano
2. NICOLE KIDMAN, Malice
1. ANGELA BASSETT, What's Love Got To Do With It

Top 20 Supporting Actors:

20. OLIVER PLATT, The Three Musketeers
19. JOHN MALKOVICH, In The Line Of Fire
18. GABRIEL BYRNE, A Dangerous Woman
17. JEFF GOLDBLUM, Jurassic Park
16. TOMMY LEE JONES, The Fugitive
15. WILLEM DAFOE, Faraway, So Close
14. MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY, Dazed And Confused
13. VAL KILMER, Tombstone
12. ROBERT DE NIRO, This Boy's Life
11. ROBERT DOWNEY JR., Short Cuts
10. CLINT EASTWOOD, A Perfect World
9. CHRISTOPHER REEVE, The Remains Of The Day
8. CHAZZ PALMINTERI, A Bronx Tale
7. CHRISTOPHER LLOYD, Twenty Bucks
6. CHRIS PENN, Short Cuts
5. COURTNEY B. VANCE, The Adventures Of Huck Finn
4. HARVEY KEITEL, The Piano
3. RENAUD SÉCHAN, Germinal
2. SEAN PENN, Carlito's Way
1. LARENZ TATE, Menace II Society

Top 20 Supporting Actresses:

20. HOLLY HUNTER, The Firm
19. KATE JACKSON, Empty Cradle
18. JENNIFER JASON LEIGH, Short Cuts
17. MEG TILLY, Body Snatchers
16. ROSIE PEREZ, Fearless
15. VALÉRIE LEMERCIER, Les Visiteurs
14. FAYE DUNAWAY, Arizona Dream
13. JOANNE WHALLEY-KILMER, The Secret Rapture
12. ALLY SHEEDY, Chantilly Lace
11. LAURA LINNEY, Dave
10. DANA DELANY, Tombstone
9. CLAUDIA KARVAN, Broken Highway
8. TARAL HICKS, A Bronx Tale
7. LILI TAYLOR, Household Saints
6. PENELOPE ANN MILLER, Carlito's Way
5. LARA FLYNN BOYLE, Red Rock West
4. LAURA DERN, A Perfect World
3. WINONA RYDER, The Age Of Innocence
2. MARTHE VILLALONGA, Ma Saison Préférée
1. JADA PINKETT, Menace II Society

Top 20 Screenplays:

20. THE PIANO, Jane Campion
19. INDECENT PROPOSAL, Amy Holden Jones
18. WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT, Kate Lanier
17. RED ROCK WEST, John Dahl & Rick Dahl
16. MENACE II SOCIETY, Tyger Williams
15. UN MURO DE SILENCIO, Graciela Maglie & Gabriela Massuh
14. DAVE, Gary Ross
13. GROUNDHOG DAY, Danny Rubin & Harold Ramis
12. MI VIDA LOCA, Allison Anders
11. NAKED, Mike Leigh
10. SMOKING/NO SMOKING, Agnès Jaoui & Jean-Pierre Bacri
9. SHORT CUTS, Robert Altman & Frank Barhydt
8. DAZED AND CONFUSED, Richard Linklater
7. WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE, Peter Hedges
6. THE SECRET RAPTURE, David Hare
5. CARLITO'S WAY, David Koepp
4. A BRONX TALE, Chazz Palminteri
3. ARIZONA DREAM, David Atkins & Emir Kustarica
2. MALICE, Aaron Sorkin & Scott Frank
1. TRUE ROMANCE, Quentin Tarantino

Top 20 Cinematographers:

20. DONALD PETERMAN, Addams Family Values
19. VIKO FILAC, Arizona Dream
18. DICK POPE, Naked
17. WALT LLOYD, Short Cuts
16. STUART DRYBURGH, The Piano
15. JEFFREY L. KIMBALL, True Romance
14. RENATO BERTA, Smoking/No Smoking
13. ROBERT RICHARDSON, Heaven & Earth
12. GU CHANGWEI, Farewell My Concubine
11. JANUSZ KAMINSKI, The Adventures Of Huck Finn
10. GUILLERMO NAVARRO, Cronos
9. FÉLIX MONTI, Un Muro De Silencio
8. KEES VAN OOSTRUM, Gettysburg
7. BOJAN BAZELLI, Body Snatchers
6. BAO XIAORAN, Woman Sesame Oil Maker
5. DARIUSZ WOLSKI, Romeo Is Bleeding
4. JANUSZ KAMINSKI, Schindler's List
3. SLAWOMI IDZIAK, Trois Couleurs: Bleu
2. YVES ANGELO, Germinal
1. PETE KOZACHIK, The Nightmare Before Christmas

Top 10 Villains:

10. RON PERLMAN, Cronos
9. TOBIN BELL, Malice
8. PARKER POSEY, Dazed And Confused
7. ROBERT DE NIRO, This Boy's Life
6. MICHAEL DOUGLAS, Falling Down
5. LARENZ TATE, Menace II Society
4. SEAN PENN, Carlito's Way
3. DENNIS HOPPER, Red Rock West
2. GARY OLDMAN, True Romance
1. LAURENCE FISHBURNE, What's Love Got To Do With It